Thursday, July 29, 2010

Day 9 (updated)

will be posted later.

I leave on a five day trip tomorrow to areas with limited/no computers or internet, so updates will be posted when I get back.
----Updated!---

Finally posted! Sorry for the shitty writing; I haven't written in a while so it took some time to get warmed up.

I’m writing this post-hoc so my memory’s a little hazy.

Today, we headed to Jin Hwa Shan to pay respects to my dead relatives. My aunt and I drove up the mountain (more mountain roads, woohoo) to the place where their ashes were located. In Taiwan, since land is scarce, most people get cremated and put in urns instead of being buried. Since my grandpa and some other relatives were Christian, they had their ashes put in a Christian-friendly funeral home.

First off, this funeral home was right next to a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge Buddhist funeral home, (which incidentally kind of looked nicer and more ornate. Huge white walls and golden Buddhas.)

Second, this funeral home was ridiculously beautiful inside--a really beautiful little chapel, and a small Zen garden. The crypts were located below ground; the way they were organized was that people could pay different amounts for different storage spaces; a 4-urn drawer (maybe 12 x 24 x 6) could go for 80,000 NT. Hence, really nice interior decorating for the funeral home.

Anyhoo. We paid our respects and headed to the Juming Museum. This place was really awesome, with exhibits inside and outside; Juming was a sculptor/artist and carved these amazing rock statues in taichi poses. He also did alot of painting and working with styrofoam, and even made a whole series based on the military as well as sports. The museum even had an exhibit that encouraged visitors to make their own art with two wire-frame styrfoam models with limbs you could manipulate (No, I didn’t do any dirty poses. Yes, I did make one model armbar the other.)

The museum also was displaying art from other famous artists--there was some beautiful stuff from Dali, and along an outside exhibit, local/invited artists had painted murals (some really amazing stuff--I saw one I really liked featuring paper airplanes.)

The museum also had a pond with huuuge carp and even some turtles, ducks, and a black swan. And of course, snack machines that sold fish food. I was planning on just feeding the fishes some Advil but decided to stop being a cheap bastard and buy some fishfood. And just as I have been cheated by so many vendors here (seriously, my umbrella breaks, the 2GB SD card I buy turns out to be only 1 gig, etc.), the machine took my money without giving me shit. In a fit of anger, I hit the machine, and two tubes of fishfood came out. Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?

But yes, I had a great time feeding those gluttonous aquatic animals (yes, swans eat fishfood), but it was getting hot as a fat man’s crotchular area so we headed back indoors. I bought a few postcards, and we headed off to Yanmingshan (one of Taiwan’s most beautiful mountains.)

After another dizzying car ride, we got out and decided to hike up a trail to see the Menghuanhu Lake--a treacherous climb up stone steps surrounded by really loud, annoying bugs. But we made it only to be greeted with some marshy wetlands. Apparently huge crevasses on the bottom of the lake have been draining away its water. I felt fucking cheated.

We climbed down the hill, and headed off to the next spot- Lengshuikeng. This spot is basically a hotspring, except it’s temperature is lower than most, hence it being known as “cold water pit.” They have a public bath here; I took a quick peek inside and it was like looking into Hell with binoculars-- if hell is old wrinkled Asian dudes and more sack than any person (male or female) should see in a lifetime.

After my eyes stopped bleeding, we headed to the next attraction: Niunai Pond. Literally, it’s “Milk Pond.” I didn’t know what to expect but dayuuuum. It really does look like a small pond of milk. Because of the high sulfur content in Yangminshan, the water is funkily-tinted and hence whitish in color. Kinda cool, kinda weird, kinda nauseating if you look at it for long periods of time.

After, we headed off to see an artist’s village-- this village was mostly a collection of small houses. At one point in time, Chang Kai-shek had visited and had his residence on the mountain; the houses were where his bodyguards and staff lived. Now that most national business and affairs are conducted NOT on an obscure, hard-to-access mountain, the buildings were revamped and established into a village for artists.

Having had my fill of walking (goddamn my feet hurt), we went to dinner at a restaurant that had a great view of the Taipei night skyline. Roasting meat, drinking a gin & tonic and a whiskey sour, and having a magnificent view, it was a beautiful night.

Updates will be posted soon about my five day trip and what's been going on since then.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Day 8

Sidebar: everytime i see a white person, I have this incredible urge to point and yell "WHITE PEOPLE."

Anyways. Today, I was supposed to go bicycling, for 8km to Danshui. Unfortunately, it was also raining. Usually a little rain doesn't stop Josh Liu. Actually, nothing stops Josh Liu. Except for acid rain. Apparently the shit makes you bald and chemically induced premature hair loss is not how I want to remember Taiwan. So we rescheduled.

Instead, I went for a walk around Gonguan, picked up a few items, and then headed out to the Shilin night market with my cousin around six. As expected, it was fucking crowded and noisy and hot, and absofuckinglutely delicious. The food..huge sausages, 1000cc drinks, fried chicken, it was a tapestry of gustatory delights. The shopping wasn't that bad either, I ended up getting a bag to replace my piece of shit backpack.

Apparently there's pickpockets, though. My cousin had her bag cut and shit stolen once. Can you imagine, though, if you filled your bag with say...snakes, and a thief tried to pickpocket you?

Anyways. We met up with my cousin's friend, and hung out a little more before going to get the dude's face threaded. Yes. Dude. Face. Apparently the guys here do get it done too, and it's not just eyebrows. It's the whole shebang.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), salons do not offer ass hair threading.

Shucks.

Days 6 and 7

So yeah, I'm just squeezing them into one post.

Which will be updated later. Feeling lazy and in the mood for a good midday drunk.

Edit: just found out that there's no open container law in Taiwan. fuck yes.

-Update-

Day 6

I stayed home, played Wii sports, and took a break.

Then at night, my cousin took me to Ximen-Ding, which is basically where all the somewhat cool kids hangout/shop/go to see movies. The prices were actually pretty good. For everything. Bags were 20 bucks-ish, and movies were ridiculously cheap: 220 for a ticket, ten more gets you a drink. WHICH IS AMAZING CONSIDERING HOW AMERICA RAPES YOU IN EVERY BODY CAVITY POSSIBLE AT THE MOVIES.

But yeah, we window shopped a little, watched Salt at a movie theater (on the 9th floor of a building. These theaters were teeny tiny.) Sidebar: The move isn’t called “Salt” in Chinese.

After, we ate at a ramen place where I got squarely kicked in the nads by spicy-ness. And then I picked up a MMA flyer for an event on August first. Judging from TV and the ads, MMA is starting to get some popularity. The prices are still mad cheap--30 USD (1000 NT) for ringside AND a drink. Fuck me sideways.

But yeah, after, we headed to Bitan, which has a beautiful nighttime scene. It’s located on a river, and very very romantic. Couples getting their fuck on everywhere. It was both endearing and saddening, because I didn’t have anyone to cuddle with. So I had to make do with what I had. I got my drink on. It was great.

Day 7

Stayed home, played Wii sports, and took another break.

In the afternoon, I went to Huaxi Snake Alley. Apparently this town used to be mad gangster (a gangster movie was even filmed here this year, Monga. I watched it..not bad.) and was also famous for its prostitutes. Hell yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Not so hell yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah was the fact that this alley is named Snake Alley because vendors sell snakes. And as some of you know, I fucking hate snakes. The fuckers creep me out. But apparently Asian people eat them/drink their soup/whatever in order to increase their virility. And then they get their fuck on at the whorehouses behind Snake Alley. Fuck snakes. Give me Viagra anyday.

But yeah, walking through Snake Alley was like walking through the Valley of Death. The Valley of Creepy, Slithering, Venomous Death. I pretty much had a panic attack for ten minutes.
Fortunately, there were only a few snake shops open since it was midday.

Unfortunately, I didn’t see any hookers. Sad day.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Day 5: Going in circles

I headed out this morning at 8:45 to catch the 278 bus to Neihu to go to church.

AHHHH.

But yeah, this was the church my grandpa went to, and about four years ago, I actually taught English there to the kids/adults. I was a little nervous (mostly about the bus ride), but also about remembering names and matching them with faces.

Thankfully, I got to the church on time and it was great to see everyone. I remembered most of my students’ names, and surprisingly, they all remembered/recognized me. As per usual, I got the questions from other people about my ancestry, where I learned to speak Chinese, etc. Slightly flattering :)

But yeah, after enjoying a short but well-planned sermon, lunch, and having a reunion with my old friends, I headed to my grandpa’s apartment to see if I could find some relics (my grandma’s yearbook.) After my grandpa passed away, my aunt renovated the place and rented it out to a lady and her son. It took me a while (two hours) to track down where the lady had stashed the keys for me (holy fuck there’s way too many 7-11 convenience stores here) but I finally found them. And then it took me a while to find the apartment; my memory was pretty rusty, and I played the let’s-match-the-key-to-the-keyhole game with a different apartments lower doors before finding the place.

I was in.

But then I couldn’t remember which apartment was the one, and it took probably another half an hour before I figured it out (with help from the neighbors). But I managed to get in and dig up some old photoalbums. The whole process took about 3 hours. Fuck my episodic memory.

Then I went home and passed the fuck out before heading out to the the SiDa night market.

And great fun was had by all.

PS for those who wish for a cleaner post with more beautiful language, this is for you: pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.

Day 4: Moped gangstas, stinky tofu, and shopping.

Sidebar: Last night, I saw a moped gangsta. He was decked out in motosport gear: the boots, visored helmet, crashproof jacket, the works. He was riding a moped, doing figure eights, in a parking lot. He wasn’t just half-assing it, though. This guy was the real deal. He was riding fast, getting real low to the ground the way racers do, knees skimming the asphalt.

I laughed at first. But it was pretty legit.

And just as I was getting more and more impressed, the guy wiped out. He got too low to the ground, and he just toppled over.

And I laughed even harder.


Anyways. On to today.

Today, we headed out with the last night’s crew to drive up huge, foggy-ass mountain to see the Shifen Waterfall. It was about a 45 minute drive, before we parked and started wandering around in Jingtong, before catching a train to Shifen.

After we reached our stop, we wandered a little bit more through the town before heading towards the waterfall. The town was pretty tourist-y. One of the main tourist attractions was actually pretty cool, though. They had all these vendor selling these paper lanterns that you could write wishes on. After you were done, the vendor would light some paper underneath the lantern so it could float off into the sky. I think the deal was that the longer/higher the lantern flew, the more likely your wish(es) would come true. Considering though, that after the lanterns were landed, they would probably be swept into some trash bin, sink in a river, or get eaten by animals. The vendors never did quite say what that meant about your wishes’ fulfillment...

Anyways, we headed up towards the waterfall, passing a Coal Mine Museum on the way. It was about five minutes after we crossed the Cing-An suspension bridge that it started raining like there was no tomorrow. And you’d think I would have learned to bring an umbrella.

Nope. I ended up buying a purple poncho. Sexy.

But yeah, we headed up through hail and gale before finally arriving at the waterfall. Again, highly commercialized--they made you pay to see it. We paid the entrance fee and were in. Despite the rain, it was actually kinda beautiful; it looked like a baby version of Niagara Falls. Around the waterfall, the park authorities had built a pavilion with statues of Buddhist (?) deities that people were praying to and throwing coins at. There was a huuuuge statute of Buddha (the Chinese version). Rub his tummy and you get good luck; rub his tits and you get a reprimand, a fine (likely), and (probably) jail time.

After taking some pictures, we started powerwalking back to Shifen to make one of the wish lanterns in time to catch the train. We got back to a vendor with ten minutes, and we wished the shit out of the lantern. I don’t know what my cousin and acquaintance wished, but I wished for the ability to always tap out bitches, superhuman strength, and the stamina of a much younger man. Among other more mature wishes about health, fortune, and family, of course.

We launched the lantern and five minutes later, it started raining shittons again. I’m not sure what happened to our wishes...maybe they’ll all be slightly soggy when they come true.

After launching our lantern, catching the crowded train (seriously..it was like cramming fifty people into a sardine can), and getting back to the car, we headed to ShengKeng for some famous tofu. Supposedly, the tofu here is supposed to have a very particular flavor--slightly burnt. -shrugs- To me, the tofu didn’t really taste burnt. It tasted like..normal tofu.

My aunt also discovered through intensive interrogation that I have never eaten stinky tofu. So I was forced to eat a piece.

The aroma/odor is like that of a mini sewage treatment plant wrapped in a dirty diaper, rubbed against Sasquatch’s ballsack, mixed with essence of burnt assholes and a slight hint of what hell probably smells like. Once you get over the smell, though, it’s actually not that bad tasting. I was pretty surprised, and a little disappointed. The tofu I ate was supposed to be numbingly spicy, but thanks to visiting Annie, (in the words of UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre) I was not impressed with [its] performance.

After we finished eating lunch, we all headed to one of Taipei’s shopping districts. I’d been here with my cousin previously (when we got caught in the rain and bought our three dollar umbrellas), and the shopping was meh. The prices weren’t that cheap.

After about an hour, ur acquaintances had to leave and so we all headed back to Wanlong for a dinner of Thai food.

Afterwards, we said goodbye and parted ways. I went back to the Gongguan shopping district with my cousin, where I purchased some gifts for ya’ll. But I might keep them for myself unless, you know, you comment on this blog. Everyday.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Updates!

I've been a little worn out from all my day-to-day activities, so I will post updates for Days 4, 5, and 6 tomorrow :)

Friday, July 23, 2010

Day 3

Day 3

Today, we are going to..actually, I have no idea what we’re going to do. My short term memory is shot to hell. I think we’re going shopping.

Anyhoo. I’m still a little jet-lagged--I woke up at 5:30am today. Bleh. Good news- I think I’m getting used to the heat. I’m not covered in sweat yet. Yeah..either I’m getting used to the heat or I’m just dehydrated.

So today, with hot weather and ominous skies, my cousin and I went to Dongqu, one of the mid to upper-range shopping places in Taipei. The stores were all rather interesting; alot of them sold trendy clothing and shoes, and the prices were all unexpectedly American. They also had stores that catered to surfers and amateur photographers; apparently a thing called “lomography” is really popular in Taiwan right now. It’s consists mostly of these special 35mm film cameras that print with special effects (fishbowl effects, multiple frames, etc.). They also had really cute toy stores.

It was around this time that all hell poured loose and we got soaked by rain. (Background info: I left the umbrellas at my aunt’s place and realized this as soon as we got outside. Being the smart college kids we are, we thought that if we could stay ahead of the dark clouds in the sky, we’d be safe.) But yeah, we ran through torrents of rain and bought umbrellas before heading on the metro to the Taipei 101 area.

It was here that we started visiting the department stores. Apparently there’s a whole group of buildings all owned by the same corporation, and they’re all connected by walkways. And they’re all full of high-end department stores. And a reaaaaally big bookstore that sold everything. EVERYTHING. Toys, souvenirs, books, furniture, clothes, you name it, they had it.

After window-shopping the crap out of ourselves and running into a BMW expo (amaaaaaaazing), we were finally picked up by my aunt. Apparently my aunt’s friend and her daughter were visiting the area too so we all headed together to Maoakong to ride the cable cars up the mountain.

Because of the storms, the cable cars had been closed for a bit, but within thirty minutes of us getting to the station, they were back up and running. Now, because it was nighttime and visibility was pretty much shit, the ride up the mountain wasn’t scary at all. I’m sure daytime would have been a totally different story.

But yeah, we all got up there, found a restaurant, and had a delicious dinner.

And now I’m home. And tired.

Pics from yesterday and today will be up on FB.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Day 2: Murses, androgyny, and insulting dead people.

Reading back on last night’s post, all I can say are: friends don’t let jetlagged and buzzed friends drink and write.

Sidebar0: I don’t know why, but it appears my nose is a vagina and leaks blood (no pun intended. Okay, pun intended. high five?) Since I’ve come to Taiwan (or been in the process of traveling,) I’ve had two massive nosebleeds--one on the plane, and one at the traditional arts center in Yilan. Both were not pretty. The one at the center had me dripping blood everywhere, and in the end, I had to use my bandanna to sop it up. It was janky, nast, and every word in between.

Anyways.

Today, it was time for me to venture out on my own, using the Taipei MRT (he, Mr. T) metro system. With some help from my cousin in the planning process, I decided to visit the Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall, the Confucius Temple, and Soochow University (my old man’s alma mater..I think..)

I took the MRT to the CKS Hall around noon. the first thing I noticed when at the subway station was that it was ridiculously clean and well-maintained. Apparently there’s no eating or drinking allowed, and the plethora of security cams make sure of that. In fact, apparently the security guards will call you out publicly over the PA system.

The first thing I noticed after getting off at my stop was the heat and immense sun; the Memorial and its nearby National Theater and it’s identical twin are centered around this huge plaza paved with white stone. Which made it like walking through a desert.

After trudging through the plaza and up 89 steps (89, because that was how old CKS was when he died. At 11:50pm on April 5, 1975. They have a clock frozen at that date in the museum) I finally got a huuuuuge bronze statue of the main man himself. I have to say, Chiang Kai-Shek had the best seat in the house: shaded, with two security guards, and a rather comfy-looking chair. After paying my respects (read: taking pictures), I went downstairs to the exhibits. There were beautiful paintings (I was a little confused, since there were some of..turkeys..), but the best stuff was showcased in the Personal Articles exhibit.

Sidebar: the place has one of the most awesome restrooms I have ever seen. Super private stalls, and a smart plumbing system. To all you people (read: Annie/Sandie/Dad) reading and judging me, all I can say is...I shit. Just like you. Am I TMI-ing?

Anyways, there was all sorts of stuff that belonged to Chiang Kai-Shek: his private sedans (bullet-proof tinted Cadillacs), a replica of his office, clothes (including the duds he was married in. Sharp dresser, ftw.), and a shitton of medals (it looked like he was in every possible Order for each South American country.) There was also pictures of him with public figures from all these different countries. Let’s face it: he was bamf. More bamf than anyone (cough Mao cough) could handle.

After taking a shitton pictures, buying a few postcards, and eating a quick lunch of a rice burger (even rip-offs can happen in Taiwan), I headed off to my next stop: the Confucius Temple in Yuanshan. It was pretty cool; everything was so artfully and colorfully-decorated, from the dragons perched on the roof to the huge gold studs in the temple doors. The temple had some great exhibits too, showing each of the 18 instruments used in temple rituals, as well as several different forms of dress used by ritual attendants/musicians.

Even though there was no charge to visit the temple, I noted (rather cynically) that there was still a commercial aspect in the form of a gift shop and specifically, little wooden plaques travelers could purchase, write a prayer/wish on for Confucius to grant, and tie them to a plastic chain link fence. I ended up buying one and writing one too, though I have to say my tone wasn’t exactly..respectful. I hope Confucius doesn’t mind me calling him a bro. But then, fuck him if he can’t take a joke.

After getting in the web of exploiting religion through capitalism, I headed off to my next and last stop: Soochow University. Here, the going got tricky, since the school wasn’t right next to any metro stop. I would have to take a bus and (as I later learned), walk a bit.

Despite the fact that three year olds here have better Chinese than me (no lie), I managed to get off at the right metro stop and catch the right bus. And because three year olds here have better Chinese than me, I managed to get off at the wrong bus stop, and ended up near the National Museum, a storehouse of national treasures we stole from China (insert evil laugh). Cursing my luck vigorously (read: silently), I walked three blocks and managed to find my way to Soochow University.

I took a stroll through the facilities and grounds; it seemed actually pretty small. From what I could tell, there was a student center, a field/track, a dorm, one chapel, and one lecture/instruction hall. Nonetheless, I took pictures for my old man and (foolishly) considered the day a job well done and mentally patted myself on the back.

On my way back to the metro, I realized that there was a disproportionate number of men (at least..I think they were men) wearing murses. Shamelessly. I think I was so distracted by this that I missed my transfer and, in the words of Barney Stinson: “I rode so far I even went to where the subway turns around. Ted...you don’t want to ever go where the subway turns around.” Just kidding, it wasn’t that bad.

But yeah, I managed to find my way back to my Aunt’s house and took a delicious (yes, delicious) shower. I should be leaving to go eat dinner/shopping with my cousin soon at Gongguan, so I guess this concludes today’s blog.

Sidebar 2: I think those Green Tea diet pills are working.
Sidebar 3: How to spot a foreigner in Taiwan: either white, sweating, or both. Seriously. People here wear pants and long sleeves comfortably. HOW IS THIS DONE. I go outside (or stay inside) and within fifteen minutes I’m sweatier than a fat girl running a marathon. Today, it was like I was in an outdoor sauna called EVERYWHERE.
Sidebar 4: Apparently one of my cousin's friends is a lesbian and for some reason, checks out dudes who look like me. My cousin says it's because I'm the “type.” What does that mean.

Anyways, till tomorrow. Peace out hombres. You stay classy San Diego, and thanks for stopping by.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Day 1

After a pretty surprising airplane ride (they have Usher and Mary J Blige on the inflight music program, the food wasn't bad, and the inflight movies were pretttty awesome-Clash of the Titans, Date Night, The Bounty Hunter, etc.) I arrived at Taipei's TaoYuan airport and met up with my relatives.

Before I get started, I'd like to try something out:arunning total of all my fails.
First fail: walking into a pvc pipe and busting my toe. Literally within the first fifteen minutes of getting to my aunt's place. Second fail: apparently my digestive system can outdo the Israelites by creating bricks from airplane food.
Anyways.

After getting my stuff squared away and having a fantastic breakfast (courtesy of my cousin), my aunt and I decided to hit up Yilan.



Yilan is famous for a variety of things, including sweetmeats, cow tongue cake (cakes in the shape of a cow's tongue. yeah.), and green onions. It's quite a distance away from Taipei, and apparently the old route between the two cities was such a pain in the ass that they drilled a 21km (yeah. kilometers. it's like Canada all over again) long tunnel underneath a mountain to make the trip shorter. It was during this trip that I realized that many Taiwanese drivers can't drive, which only confused me more because the cops here drive BMWs.

Yilan is also host to the National Center for Traditional Arts, a place where indigenous and native arts/cultures are brought together so people can learn about them and (mostly) buy stuff to help these starving artists get through the next cold winter.
But yeah, the place is full of great exhibits and plenty of DIY activities. The crafts I saw there were ridiculous- kneaded dough figurines, handmade glass, charcoal (apparently it's more than just the black shit we use for barbecues), jewelry, just to name a few. The center also had some great performances; they did a puppet play as well as an opera-esque rendition of a story from Journey to the West (story with Sun Wukong and co.)
Bleh. Too tired to finish and upload pics to this and Facebook, so Facebook wins with it's massive uploads capability. Go check it.






Anyways, pics are worth a thousand words so take a gander at what i shot today :)