Day 4: Moped gangstas, stinky tofu, and shopping.

Sidebar: Last night, I saw a moped gangsta. He was decked out in motosport gear: the boots, visored helmet, crashproof jacket, the works. He was riding a moped, doing figure eights, in a parking lot. He wasn’t just half-assing it, though. This guy was the real deal. He was riding fast, getting real low to the ground the way racers do, knees skimming the asphalt.

I laughed at first. But it was pretty legit.

And just as I was getting more and more impressed, the guy wiped out. He got too low to the ground, and he just toppled over.

And I laughed even harder.


Anyways. On to today.

Today, we headed out with the last night’s crew to drive up huge, foggy-ass mountain to see the Shifen Waterfall. It was about a 45 minute drive, before we parked and started wandering around in Jingtong, before catching a train to Shifen.

After we reached our stop, we wandered a little bit more through the town before heading towards the waterfall. The town was pretty tourist-y. One of the main tourist attractions was actually pretty cool, though. They had all these vendor selling these paper lanterns that you could write wishes on. After you were done, the vendor would light some paper underneath the lantern so it could float off into the sky. I think the deal was that the longer/higher the lantern flew, the more likely your wish(es) would come true. Considering though, that after the lanterns were landed, they would probably be swept into some trash bin, sink in a river, or get eaten by animals. The vendors never did quite say what that meant about your wishes’ fulfillment...

Anyways, we headed up towards the waterfall, passing a Coal Mine Museum on the way. It was about five minutes after we crossed the Cing-An suspension bridge that it started raining like there was no tomorrow. And you’d think I would have learned to bring an umbrella.

Nope. I ended up buying a purple poncho. Sexy.

But yeah, we headed up through hail and gale before finally arriving at the waterfall. Again, highly commercialized--they made you pay to see it. We paid the entrance fee and were in. Despite the rain, it was actually kinda beautiful; it looked like a baby version of Niagara Falls. Around the waterfall, the park authorities had built a pavilion with statues of Buddhist (?) deities that people were praying to and throwing coins at. There was a huuuuge statute of Buddha (the Chinese version). Rub his tummy and you get good luck; rub his tits and you get a reprimand, a fine (likely), and (probably) jail time.

After taking some pictures, we started powerwalking back to Shifen to make one of the wish lanterns in time to catch the train. We got back to a vendor with ten minutes, and we wished the shit out of the lantern. I don’t know what my cousin and acquaintance wished, but I wished for the ability to always tap out bitches, superhuman strength, and the stamina of a much younger man. Among other more mature wishes about health, fortune, and family, of course.

We launched the lantern and five minutes later, it started raining shittons again. I’m not sure what happened to our wishes...maybe they’ll all be slightly soggy when they come true.

After launching our lantern, catching the crowded train (seriously..it was like cramming fifty people into a sardine can), and getting back to the car, we headed to ShengKeng for some famous tofu. Supposedly, the tofu here is supposed to have a very particular flavor--slightly burnt. -shrugs- To me, the tofu didn’t really taste burnt. It tasted like..normal tofu.

My aunt also discovered through intensive interrogation that I have never eaten stinky tofu. So I was forced to eat a piece.

The aroma/odor is like that of a mini sewage treatment plant wrapped in a dirty diaper, rubbed against Sasquatch’s ballsack, mixed with essence of burnt assholes and a slight hint of what hell probably smells like. Once you get over the smell, though, it’s actually not that bad tasting. I was pretty surprised, and a little disappointed. The tofu I ate was supposed to be numbingly spicy, but thanks to visiting Annie, (in the words of UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre) I was not impressed with [its] performance.

After we finished eating lunch, we all headed to one of Taipei’s shopping districts. I’d been here with my cousin previously (when we got caught in the rain and bought our three dollar umbrellas), and the shopping was meh. The prices weren’t that cheap.

After about an hour, ur acquaintances had to leave and so we all headed back to Wanlong for a dinner of Thai food.

Afterwards, we said goodbye and parted ways. I went back to the Gongguan shopping district with my cousin, where I purchased some gifts for ya’ll. But I might keep them for myself unless, you know, you comment on this blog. Everyday.