Day 2: Murses, androgyny, and insulting dead people.

Reading back on last night’s post, all I can say are: friends don’t let jetlagged and buzzed friends drink and write.

Sidebar0: I don’t know why, but it appears my nose is a vagina and leaks blood (no pun intended. Okay, pun intended. high five?) Since I’ve come to Taiwan (or been in the process of traveling,) I’ve had two massive nosebleeds--one on the plane, and one at the traditional arts center in Yilan. Both were not pretty. The one at the center had me dripping blood everywhere, and in the end, I had to use my bandanna to sop it up. It was janky, nast, and every word in between.

Anyways.

Today, it was time for me to venture out on my own, using the Taipei MRT (he, Mr. T) metro system. With some help from my cousin in the planning process, I decided to visit the Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall, the Confucius Temple, and Soochow University (my old man’s alma mater..I think..)

I took the MRT to the CKS Hall around noon. the first thing I noticed when at the subway station was that it was ridiculously clean and well-maintained. Apparently there’s no eating or drinking allowed, and the plethora of security cams make sure of that. In fact, apparently the security guards will call you out publicly over the PA system.

The first thing I noticed after getting off at my stop was the heat and immense sun; the Memorial and its nearby National Theater and it’s identical twin are centered around this huge plaza paved with white stone. Which made it like walking through a desert.

After trudging through the plaza and up 89 steps (89, because that was how old CKS was when he died. At 11:50pm on April 5, 1975. They have a clock frozen at that date in the museum) I finally got a huuuuuge bronze statue of the main man himself. I have to say, Chiang Kai-Shek had the best seat in the house: shaded, with two security guards, and a rather comfy-looking chair. After paying my respects (read: taking pictures), I went downstairs to the exhibits. There were beautiful paintings (I was a little confused, since there were some of..turkeys..), but the best stuff was showcased in the Personal Articles exhibit.

Sidebar: the place has one of the most awesome restrooms I have ever seen. Super private stalls, and a smart plumbing system. To all you people (read: Annie/Sandie/Dad) reading and judging me, all I can say is...I shit. Just like you. Am I TMI-ing?

Anyways, there was all sorts of stuff that belonged to Chiang Kai-Shek: his private sedans (bullet-proof tinted Cadillacs), a replica of his office, clothes (including the duds he was married in. Sharp dresser, ftw.), and a shitton of medals (it looked like he was in every possible Order for each South American country.) There was also pictures of him with public figures from all these different countries. Let’s face it: he was bamf. More bamf than anyone (cough Mao cough) could handle.

After taking a shitton pictures, buying a few postcards, and eating a quick lunch of a rice burger (even rip-offs can happen in Taiwan), I headed off to my next stop: the Confucius Temple in Yuanshan. It was pretty cool; everything was so artfully and colorfully-decorated, from the dragons perched on the roof to the huge gold studs in the temple doors. The temple had some great exhibits too, showing each of the 18 instruments used in temple rituals, as well as several different forms of dress used by ritual attendants/musicians.

Even though there was no charge to visit the temple, I noted (rather cynically) that there was still a commercial aspect in the form of a gift shop and specifically, little wooden plaques travelers could purchase, write a prayer/wish on for Confucius to grant, and tie them to a plastic chain link fence. I ended up buying one and writing one too, though I have to say my tone wasn’t exactly..respectful. I hope Confucius doesn’t mind me calling him a bro. But then, fuck him if he can’t take a joke.

After getting in the web of exploiting religion through capitalism, I headed off to my next and last stop: Soochow University. Here, the going got tricky, since the school wasn’t right next to any metro stop. I would have to take a bus and (as I later learned), walk a bit.

Despite the fact that three year olds here have better Chinese than me (no lie), I managed to get off at the right metro stop and catch the right bus. And because three year olds here have better Chinese than me, I managed to get off at the wrong bus stop, and ended up near the National Museum, a storehouse of national treasures we stole from China (insert evil laugh). Cursing my luck vigorously (read: silently), I walked three blocks and managed to find my way to Soochow University.

I took a stroll through the facilities and grounds; it seemed actually pretty small. From what I could tell, there was a student center, a field/track, a dorm, one chapel, and one lecture/instruction hall. Nonetheless, I took pictures for my old man and (foolishly) considered the day a job well done and mentally patted myself on the back.

On my way back to the metro, I realized that there was a disproportionate number of men (at least..I think they were men) wearing murses. Shamelessly. I think I was so distracted by this that I missed my transfer and, in the words of Barney Stinson: “I rode so far I even went to where the subway turns around. Ted...you don’t want to ever go where the subway turns around.” Just kidding, it wasn’t that bad.

But yeah, I managed to find my way back to my Aunt’s house and took a delicious (yes, delicious) shower. I should be leaving to go eat dinner/shopping with my cousin soon at Gongguan, so I guess this concludes today’s blog.

Sidebar 2: I think those Green Tea diet pills are working.
Sidebar 3: How to spot a foreigner in Taiwan: either white, sweating, or both. Seriously. People here wear pants and long sleeves comfortably. HOW IS THIS DONE. I go outside (or stay inside) and within fifteen minutes I’m sweatier than a fat girl running a marathon. Today, it was like I was in an outdoor sauna called EVERYWHERE.
Sidebar 4: Apparently one of my cousin's friends is a lesbian and for some reason, checks out dudes who look like me. My cousin says it's because I'm the “type.” What does that mean.

Anyways, till tomorrow. Peace out hombres. You stay classy San Diego, and thanks for stopping by.